First of my mini Halloween reviews.

Welcome to the first of my mini Halloween series. No expectations here please, there's dark comedy, gore, and just plain terror depending on what I choose to watch. First up is Super (2011), a dark comedy. It's another film from this recent spate of alt films, Juno, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, Easy A, Whip It, to name but a few. It's refreshing to have characters who have just that, a personality.

Frank (RainnWilson) is a spineless, miserable everyday man. The two defining points of his life so far is marrying his wife Sarah (Liv Tyler), and pointing a police officer in the direction of a robber. When his former-junkie wife leaves him for her boss Frank tries in vain to get her back. After an epiphany, Frank is touched by the finger of God, and decides to turn himself into a masked crusader and fight crime.

Along the way he picks up Libby (Ellen Page), an excitable comic book store clerk who figures out Frank has become the Crimson Bolt. After wearing him down, she becomes Bolty, his kid sidekick, and together they work through the thong of bad guys, drug dealers, thieves, child molesterers of the city before turning their attention to Jacques and his cronies.

This film has a few shocks, and quite a lot more gore than I had expected. Bolty's untimely demise is certainly one of them, along with some unexpected twists and turns in the plot. I was thoroughly gripped from start to finish and the film has definitely shot into my most-loved list. Great if you want a bit of gore this Halloween but are looking for a plot.

This is what Kick-Ass would look like in real life. 9/10.

The strangest sense of deja-vu!

Title: Something Borrowed

Year: 2011

Synopsis: It's a chick flick, therefore plot is fairly predictable. Friends Darcy and Rachel are like totally bffs and share everything, including Darcy's fiancee Dex who happens to be Rachel's friend from law school and someone she's been completely in love with for ever. Includes hangers on Marcus (the kid-at-heart who travels round on a skateboard and leeches onto the laydees with a pathetic story about nursing a chipmunk back to health) and Rachel's other bestie Ethan who is totally in love with Rachel too. Complicated? Not as much as it sounds.

Why are you writing a review of this terribly predictable love fest I hear you groan? Well, it's because it is an actual almost-perfect clone to the 2009 hit 'Bride Wars' it even has two of the same actors. Kate Hudson who plays Darcy, and Steve Howey who plays Marcus. Kate actually ends up with Marcus in the film, and married Steve in Bride Wars also.

The majority of the film is also based around Darcy's wedding, and she is by far the most dominant of the two friends just like BWs. Rachel, just like Emma in BWs is a pushover, who takes so much BS from Darcy/Liv until at last they both pop which results in friendships being ended over wedding issues, and of course men.

I've recently been introduced to a new concept for watching movies. It's called the Bechdel test, and it's truly eye opening, this is a woman who will only watch a movie if it satisfies three basic requirements.

1. There are at least two named female characters who,

2. talk to each other about

3. something other than a man.

This pretty much narrows it down to a handful of films, and to be perfectly honest, I break the rules with most films I watch but it certainly makes you think.

So, back to Something Borrowed. Not that there's much else to say, Darcy admits to Rachel she's cheating on Dex, who happens to be in Rachel's apartment at the same time. Sees Dex's coat on the side, finally puts two and two together and the jig is up. No wedding, Darcy is pregnant by Marcus (with whom she has been cheating) Rachel and Dex get together and poor old Ethan, (remember him? The poor bestie who is in love with Rachel - well he gets shot down) is left alone in London to dwell on the fact that he supported Rachel in her decision to pursue her dream to be with Dex.

Phew, soap opera drama or what?! Still I have to admit, if you're looking for something to pass the time, some noise in the background, or a Saturday morning flick to watch in your fleecy PJs with a bag of imported milk chocolate pretzel flips (no, of course that's not how I just watched it...) then this is probably the film for you.

A paltry and predictable love-fest, and not forgetting Kate's manic "I HATE YOU" eyes. 5/10.

This is a picture of Walter Black...

Title: The Beaver

Year: 2011
Synopsis: Walter Black is hopelessly depressed, after pills, books and professionals fail to help him he loses hope and sleeps, a lot. When he is eventually thrown out by his long-suffering wife, Walter finds a beaver puppet in a dumpster and so begins a very strange relationship between a man and his puppet.

I'm still torn over this film, the first half was so absorbing that if it wasn't for the fact that film4od was streaming slower than a dead sloth then I might have forgotten I was even watching a film. Sadly the second half was not as interesting, and I felt that the story missed its true potential. However overall I think depression was portrayed very accurately sensitively. Walter had truly hit rock bottom once he was thrown out of his marital bed, and the family home by wife Meredith (Jodie Foster - who also directed). He tries to kill himself using his tie and the shower curtain and when that fails, tries to jump off the balcony, all the time wearing the puppet on his left arm.

It's only when the puppet speaks that Walter falls (conveniently backwards) and so begins the strange hold Beaver has over Walter. The Beaver has (imo) a great voice, it is of course Mel Gibson's who speaks in a gravelly British accent, there's an instant connection between the puppet and the audience.

Depression is an illness that affects not only the sufferer but his or her loved ones, and all those that share a close connection with them. The film showed this in Walter's wife who after losing her husband to his condition, engrossed herself in her engineering work, designing rollercoasters (strange yes, but there's a very befitting scene at the end where the family are on one). His oldest son, Porter (played by Anton Yelchin) is very articulate but desperate to become anyone but his father. He sticks post-it notes to his wall listing the similarities between his father and himself and aims to eradicate them one by one. We also learn that Porter struggles to deal with his father's issues, and has covered a rather large dent in his bedroom wall. I guess we all feel like banging our heads against a wall at some point.

Walter's youngest son Henry (Riley Thomas Stewart) is an outcast at school, bullied and even missed by his mother (she drives past him each time she goes to collect him from school). Porter's relationship with his father is tenuous at best, and certainly doesn't get better when the Beaver shows up. However, Henry takes to him straight away, and when Meredith finds them hard at work in the garage making a memory box, puppet or no puppet, she believes she might finally get the man she fell in love with back once more.

It's around here that the story beings to falter, there are too many ups and downs with twists and turns that the plot doesn't really need. Even so, at first the Beaver becomes a massive help to Walter, he returns to work with a plan, and a successful one at that, spurred by a late night workshop session with his younger son. Things pick up with Meredith, and I was hoping that the Beaver would melt into surplus.

Sadly, things take another turn and nose-dive. Meredith, unable to bear the fact she's living with a man who has a puppet attached to him 24/7 causes a scene at their anniversary dinner culminating with Walter walking away and this time she leaves their home with the boys to live in a flat.

All through the film the story cuts to Porter and his school-life, he writes papers for people for $200 a pop, when he's approached by Norah (Jennifer Lawrence) to write the graduation speech for their year. Turns out Porter has had a crush on her for a long time, and jumps at the chance of spending time with her. She turns out to be quite deep, certainly more so than her character gives off at first and was arrested for tagging (graffiti) around the city (hardcore!). Her brother OD'd, and she doesn't tag any more because of that. It ties in quite nicely with the depression theme, and helps to solidify the story, and as she says in her speech at the end, a lot of people lie to you by saying 'everything is going to be ok'.

Porter takes Norah to a place he found with a huge wall just waiting to be tagged. When she refuses and Porter sprays RIP Brian (her dead brother) Norah gets really angry and they argue. Things don't get better when a cop shows up and they get arrested. Talk about history repeating itself!

With Norah no longer talking to him, and a father who only communicates through a puppet it's no huge surprise that Porter too becomes depressed, doing what his father did and sleeping much of the time.

By now, Walter has reached the pinnacle of the Beaver's use, despite doing a great job of pulling his company from the brink of collapse with a construction toy with the Beaver's visage that goes global. His TV appearance, and what happens next plunges the toy into a steep decline. Walter tries to escape him by calling Meredith. However he's caught red handed and is 'beaten up' by the Beaver. It's harrowing stuff really, but I couldn't help but laugh, the puppet is actually quite comical-looking. Anyway, post-beating Walter is in his shed, building nothing other than a puppet-sized coffin. What comes next really really shocked me, I was expecting him to wrench the puppet away, and maybe bury the coffin, perhaps even set it on fire. But no, instead, Walter actually cuts off his hand! The audience doesn't actually see it, but the screams area enough.

Post surgery, Walter has a new bionic hand, and Porter has an epiphany. The end of the film centres around the poignant speech that Norah delivers, even admitting that she did not write it. Porter and his father plant the first seeds of a relationship and the film ends with them on a roller coaster.

"This is a picture of Walter Black, who had to become The Beaver, who had to become a father, so that one day this might just become a picture of Walter Black."

Very poignant stuff! And despite your opinion of Mel Gibson and recent reports, no one can fault his ability. So, despite a great start and a bit of a wobbly finish it's a bold and brave insight into the perils and dark corners of depression, and I urge anyone who wants to actually watch something different to give it a try.

A well deserved 8/10.

I laugh in the face of danger, ha ha ha haaaa!

Title: The Lion King
Year: 1994
Synopsis: Everyone knows the Lion King and Simba's story... for any of you that don't Simba is a young lion cub set to take his father's place as king of Pride Rock. Unfortunately, things take a turn for the worse when Mufasa is murdered. Blamed for his father's death and cast out by his scheming uncle Scar, Simba flees. Out in the wilderness he meets the smelly hog Pumba, and the fast talking, enigmating Timone. Together they spend their time singing and eating bugs, but Simba is always haunted by his past. Will he ever find the courage to return to Pride Rock, face his uncle and his dirty secret?

Most have seen The Lion King, and although they won't admit it, probably know most of the songs word for word too. I know I do, but then I was borne of the generation to be brought up by Disney classics such as this. It comes as no surprise to most that I collect the classics as they're very cleverly drip-fed to us by Disney.

When I found out that TLK was being brought back to cinemas for a limited time I was pretty stoked. Given, it was in 3D and I'm not really interested in this new wave of 3D films as they do little for me, but just like Avatar, some films are worth paying for to see in 3D. And pay I did, for the two of us I got very little back out of £20. When you add in the extortionate cost of ice cream into that, the cinema has definitely become a treat instead of an option for something to do on a rainy day!

A couple of interesting points have been brought to my attention regarding this film, for an example, when Simba, Timone and Pumba are talking about what they think stars are, and Simba walks away, he slumps into the dust and sends a cloud into the air. The rumour goes that the cloud of dust spells out the word 'sex' when in actual fact it spells 'sfx' and that it was put there in purpose by the special effects team. A caged Zazu (voiced by none other than Rowan Atkinson) sings 'It's a small world after all' to which Scar yells 'NO! Anything but that!'. If you've ever visited DisneyWorld or DisneyLand Paris, and been on the very same ride, or heard the song you can understand why. It's a definite ear worm, once it's in there it doesn't go away for a very very long time.

The opening song, 'The Circle of Life' was never intended for the opening credits. Instead, the producers wanted a very heavy, but quiet narrative. But when they heard Hanz Zimmer's extended version of the song, they decided to use it instead. Great choice if you ask me! Mickey Mouse makes two appearences in the film, once as a pair of ears on a grub that Timone pulls out of the log when they're eating, and again later in a pattern of stars as Timone, Pumba and Simba are watching the stars. And talking of stars, when Simba explains he believes the stars are the Gods of the past, you can also see the constellation of Leo the lion.

When Rafiki sings 'Asante sana Squash banana, wewe nugu mimi hapana' he's actually singing 'thank you very much, squash banana, you're a baboon and I'm not'. So when Simba asks what it means and Rafiki says 'it means you're a baboon and I'm not' he's not lying!

It was the amount of research that was deemed necessary that shocked me. Animators were taken on safari to study lions in prides and they even tied a long rope to the Jeep to study cubs who would run after the slow moving vehicle to swat at the rope just like cats do. This was now the young Simba and Nala were born! While back in the studio a lion, vulture and a baboon were brought in so artists could learn how they moved, the baboon was given a staff so the animators could see how Rafiki might have moved.

I could go on all day about the interesting facts I picked up on looking into this film. But I think the fact that The Lion King was the highest grossing movie of 1994 and it still holds the record for the highest grossing traditionally animated film of all time speaks for itself. It's suitable for all ages, and never fails to get a few tears out of most.

It's one of my favourite Disney films of all time, and well deserves a solid 10/10.

Until next time, film fans.

We call it "eggie in a basket".

Title: V for Vendetta
Year: 2006
Synopsis: It's the future, and Britain is now ruled by a dictator. In this totalitarian state, who will stand up against the injustice and brutality that roams the streets? Curfews, murder, illegal human testing and bending the news is on the agenda of the high chancellor Adam Sutler, but who's side are you on? A vigilante known only as the letter V stands up to fight with Evey as his unlikely ally using terrorist tactics and the collective mind of the public to remind us what freedom is.

It has been a good few years since I saw this film, and I recall being quite tired the last time. This doesn't bode well for V since you have to pay close attention to follow the story line.

It is past curfew, and Evey (Natalie Portman) is out after hours. In the dark she accidentally bumps into a few thugs employed to keep the streets clear of civilians after curfew. Convinced she is to fall victim to their crude intentions Evey closes her eyes and waits for her attacker to land the first blow...it never comes.

Evey is rescued by the enigmatic, well read and burnt to a crisp V. His introduction in the film is probably enough to put the majority of viewers off, but heck what an alliteration! I didn't know so many words began with the letter V. The film is full of lots of symbolism that is fun to look out for after the first viewing (you're concentrating too hard on following the storyline to be looking out for anything). V leads Evey to a nearby building where he conducts his latest 'concert'. Blowing up a well known Landmark puts Even right in the eye of danger and V takes it upon himself to protect her after he takes over the TV station where she works. Broadcasting to the entire nation, V plants the seeds of rebellion into a public force-fed on government propaganda.

As Evey slowly uncovers the truth about V's history she also learns the truth about her own past. Believing all along that her mother had starved to death during a hunger strike and her father and fallen during the war, it becomes clear to Evey that the government was to blame. Even so, she's still afraid and after witnessing her protector committing acts of murder she runs to her friend Deitrich's house (Stephen Fry). It turns out, like V that he too enjoys collecting memorabilia from before.

Getting Deitrich and Evey arrested was all part of V's grand plan but due to a copy of the Qu'ran Evey gets to relive her past as she watches the secret police bursting in and beating Deitrich to a pulp. During her escape attempt, she too is grabbed and thrown into a cell, questioned daily about V and his whereabouts.

After what must feel like a lifetime for Evey, she finds a letter that gives her inspiration to stop living in fear. And it is here that we find out her captor was V all along! Needless to say she is not very happy and after a long fight promises to see V one last time before his final act of defiance. She keeps her promise and returns on the night, entering the underground station that is just a small part of V's vast empire of found items and recovered items from the ministry. The train is packed with explosives and is waiting on a track that will take it straight to the houses of Parliament.

Will it get there? Will the masses, now subjected to V's cause stand up against the regime they've been subjected to? What will happen to V, and Evey?

Yes I know I ordinarily give a full review but V for Vendetta is actually one of my all time favourites and I urge anyone who hasn't already seen it to watch it for themselves. Tease? Yes, but it will be worth it I promise!

A heart-jerking, symbolism-packed, gritty action film that truly sticks it to the man! 10/10!

Until next time, film fans.

"They're here......."

Title: Poltergeist
Date: 1982
Synopsis: A young family move into a newly built house and are visited by what seem to be playful and non-malevolent spirits. Soon the spirits reveal their true nature by snatching the family's youngest daughter. Hell literally breaks loose and the family find themselves in the centre of a supernatural nightmare.

Before I even start to review this film, I feel it's important to explain a couple of things, that is after I found the courage to come down from the curtain rail!

Horrors, in my opinion consist of two genres; the first being 'ghostly' horrors, The Ring, The Grudge, The Exorcist are a few examples. I.E. anything that contains ghosts, demons, hauntings or supernatural horror. Then there is the 'gore' genre, examples include Hostel, Saw (anything after Saw I doesn't count) and the previously reviewed I spit on your grave. Now there are a few shades of grey of course, films that cross the two genres but generally it's either one or the other. You can put me in front of a film that has enough fake blood and gore to fill a tanker, and make even those with the most iron-clad stomachs turn green and I'll barely bat an eyelid save for the odd 'eww'. However, put me in front of a 'ghostly' film and I'll be climbing the curtains in fear! I think it stems from watching The Exorcist (something I'm in no rush to ever repeat) at a fairly impressionable age, and a rather hairy experience in the haunted mansion at Euro Disney at an even more impressionable age. It doesn't make for a very brave Gemma that's for sure!

Anyway, I'm slowly trying to wean myself onto this genre a little more as I don't want to miss out on some great scares, or great film work. So on the reliable recommendation of Chris we chose to watch Poltergeist. We're introduced to the young Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke) who begins speaking to something inside the white noise on the TV. After the film of the same name back in 2005 I've been a little wary of hearing it or seeing it so that set my nerves on edge from the start. Following the first of a spate of storms, whatever was inside the TV comes out, and Carol Anne turns to her parents who are laying in bed and says, 'they're here.....' and I'm sure it's at that point that several people must have lost not only their popcorn in the cinema!

At first the spirits seem playful and the family are happy to play along, that is until the family decide to start digging the garden to put down the American-staple swimming pool. It later turns out, unbeknownst to the family, that the house was built on top of a burial ground (yep, that old gem.). I guess spirits don't like this, and happily retaliate by stealing the youngest daughter, inside her closet, communicating via the white noise to her terrified mother. So when you're told not to sit too close to the TV, you now know why!

Determined to get their daughter back, they first enlist the help of a paranormal investigation team who set up a vigil while the scared family attempt to sleep. It's around this time that one of the guys on the investigation wanders into the kitchen looking for food (apparently it's ok to raid the fridge of these tormented people for steak in the middle of the night - it must be an American thing). One of the cardinal rules in any 'ghosty' horror should be 'if there are ghosts around, don't, for God's sake DON'T look in ANY mirrors! Anyway, he does, and his face just starts peeling away, blood, gore, bone, all in the pretty white china sink, it's pretty grim.

Reaching desperation, the family bring in Yoda, err, I mean Tangina (Zelda Rubinstein) whether it was just a coincidence I don't know, but her voice is exactly that of a child's and in this she's slightly insane, more than a bit creepy, but overall she's the don of psychics. Explaining that Carol Anne is attracting spirits to her with her life force and that she must lead them into 'the light' Tangina continues to explain there is one spirit with her, referring to it as 'the beast'. I'm not sure if this means what it says, but the beast is holding Carol Anne captive by appearing to her as a child, therefore tricking her into staying on the spirit side along with all the trapped souls.

Carol Anne's mother travels through the closet after her daughter, and after falling through the other side covered in what genuinely looks like strawberry jam, she's thrown in a bath and is once more clutching the tiny Carol Anne. I was sure that it was the happy ending I was so desperately craving by this stage. Unfortunately, when the sound stop you just know something bad is happening. Her ordeal has caused Carol Anne's mother to turn partially grey, and so while she's dying her hair in another room havoc breaks loose once more in the kid's bedroom. The unthinkable happens, and Oliver's clown comes to life. Having watched it stay stationary right up to this point, I knew my luck wouldn't hold out, and honestly, after reading Stephen King's 'It' I really don't like them. Really, really.

After a struggle, their mother tries in vain to open the door into the children's room, and runs outside into the storm (which has been raging for days) slipping, somewhat predictably, into the hole dug for the pool. It's here we see all the coffins floating to the surface of the pool. Scared out of her wits (and after falling back in at least twice) she makes it to the kids and pulls them to safety. Just in time for her husband to return home and a coffin to pop up right outside the front door. Like the all American hero, he (after a LOT of fumbling) gets them into the car and off to the welcoming neon lights of the local holiday in. Weary and emotional the family slam the door shut on their ordeal, their old house having now been sucked into a black hole, leaving all graves and bones exposed.

The credits roll, I exhale. The door to the hotel opens, my chest tightens. The father pushes the TV out onto the balcony. LOL.

I was expecting some white noise here, that mercifully didn't come. I think my heartbeat has just now returned to normal and I'm a little more confident I'll sleep tonight. Well overall, it wasn't as scary as The Exorcist, but considering how old the film is it still made me jump on a couple of occasions. 8 screams out of 10.

Do you have anything to declare?

Title: Territories
Date: 2010
Synopsis: On their way home from a wedding, five young people are stopped by two border control officers. At first things seem fairly normal, passport checks etc. Soon enough things take a twist and the five people become victims to these sick, and twisted cops. Welcome to America!

Wow, I didn't think much of the first forty minutes of this film. But it quickly spiralled into a masterpiece. Screen at the Brussels International Fantastic Film Festival, it's sure to have you clinging to the very edge of your seat in anticipation. However, it's slow-building, and like a decent roast you have to give it time.

The five friends consist of Jalil, who is suspected of being a terrorist, Michelle (his girlfriend and a criminal lawyer), Leslie, Gab and sixteen year old asthmatic and mute Tom. Once 'arrested' they're forced to strip and dress in green jump suits before being lead deep into the forest to a special 'prisoner camp'. It is here that the group realise that what is happening is bigger than just border control and much more serious.

We're never told as the audience if these are the first victims of the cops. One is terminally ill, and the evident brains of the operation, the other is the slightly dumb wingman. But keen to stay clear of making this duo the usual, predictable gruesome twosome, it transpires that in the early 90's the dumb sidekick saved the life of the other, and now takes care of him and his illness. Making their friendship solid, to the point where they each depend on one another.

The group are subjected to torture techniques that include being branded, being left in a cage without food or water for three days, being stripped and left in a padded room with blaring music and two stobe lights and being made to jog on the spot and keep painful positions for hours all under the relentless eye of the cops.

Interrogation has played its part in many films, but none quite so uncomfortable as in Territories. The smarter of the two cops enjoys nothing more than playing a game of cat and mouse and having complete control of his detainees, he breaks them down piece by piece, even going to far as to turn the group on each other. There seems little hope for escape, and after Tom's failed escape he is left with a gaping wound where he was taken down by the cops dogs, leaves the rest of the group reluctant to attempt it.

Their last hope comes in the form of a private investigator. It's the introduction of this man, and his story in the last quarter of the film that was the only thing I can fault. It seemed a little rushed considering his story is quite complex, and at such a late stage I didn't feel it was adequately told. Just at the point where he stumbles across the container where the group are being kept, there's a glimmer of hope. Sadly it is dashed and the PI meets his sticky, handcuffed inside his car, and pushed into a lake while he listens to his dead daughter singing on his handheld recorder.

The ending is grim, reminiscent of Jeepers Creepers, a film that despite not being all that scary had an end that just burned itself into your retinas forever. Territories isn't exactly what you'd call scary, but it is a great film. Extremely well made and despite the wobbly camera work a-la-Blair Witch it has everything you could hope for in a film of its genre. Realistic looking wounds, solid acting all around and that dull colour that can only spell doom. 9/10.

Until next time, film fans. Don't forget your passport....

Official: Recession brings out the worst in people!

Title: Dream Home (Wai Dor Lei Ah Vut Ho - Original Title)

Date: 2010

Synopsis: Sheung is a young woman living in Honk Kong, having grown up with a view of the sea, that was taken from her she resorts to all kinds of evil deeds in order to own her dream home.

Dream home is tense from the first moment, the opening scenes of a lobby makes you think that a corpse is going to come staggering from one of the doors. Well, no corpse but a slow, and painful death for a security guard who's napping on the job. With a penchant for using cable grips, the poor guard tries to free himself with a craft knife. It doesn't work, and he consequently ends up cutting into his neck, bleeding all over the place. I'm not really squeamish but watching that knife saw into his skin was hard to watch. That's another good thing about this film, the gore; it looks extremely realistic, even down to the intestines one poor guy loses after Sheung is done with him.

The time line of this film is all over the place flicking between the 'now' and the 'past' in order to show Sheung's upbringing and her later descent into a desperate attempt to afford her lavish marine-view flat. Interspersed into the story are news clips regarding the forthcoming recession, apparently the film is based on real events which when coupled with the reality of recession makes for a very creepy film indeed. It's an interesting insight into the crazy world of the Hong Kong property market at such a volatile time.

The film's gore is presented by the bucket-load, it gets almost invasive with lots of close ups and very questionable content. The deaths are often prolonged and Sheung almost dies several times herself, this film quickly becomes an on-the-edge-of-your-seat roller coaster ride. I was convinced Sheung would succumb when two police officers came knocking at the door of one of her victims (I say one, there were in fact 5 people in there). Just as you think it's all over for her, one of her naked female victims pops into view behind Sheung; a chunk of slat from the bed rammed into her mouth and clutching the knife that had until recently been through Sheung's Achilles heel. Ouch. A struggle between the four of them sees the girl trip in the blood all over the floor, the slat piercing her skull. One policeman gets shot, and the other takes a sizeable slash to the neck.

It's obvious Sheung has several screws missing, she even lets her father die one night. He's diagnosed with some respiratory disease, but he failed to tell Sheung when she was filling in forms for medical insurance. After finding out she'd been paying for invalid insurance, she simply lets him die while he wheezes away on his bed. She seems to have no remorse for her actions, even when she suffocates a pregnant woman, who's trauma forces her into labour, icky :|

Still, I can't fault this film, it was tense, invasive and well and truly got under my skin. The shots flow well, and there's plenty of variety there. Despite the subtitles the story was straight forward enough. Also I enjoyed reading the credits as there were a few great Engrish blips. A definite watch I'd recommend to any horror/gore fans. 9/10.

Until next time, film fans. My skin is crawling from this film, I'm off to get a shower *shudder*.

Dead girls don't say no....they just eat you alive instead!

Title: Deadgirl
Date of release: 2008
Synopsis: High school misfits JT and Rickie skip school one hot afternoon, heading to the local abandoned mental hospital they're chased into the basement by a dog. In the basement they uncover a gory secret, a girl, bound, naked and dead...right?

The cover and trailer boasted good things from this film. JT (Noah Segan) discovers the 'deadgirl' under a plastic sheet in the basement, and from that moment on you're on tenterhooks waiting for the screaming, snapping jaws. Well they don't come, or at least not to the point you expect. Rickie (Shiloh Fernandez) is not comfortable from the word go, and when he comes to try and break DG free, we're introduced to a different side to her. Don't be fooled however, for all intents and purposes DG is a zombie, just a slightly more evolved one.

Thinking he's onto a winner, JT lets Wheeler (Eric Podnar) in on the action, and things quickly spiral out of control. Rickie lands himself in trouble when the love of his life's jock boyfriend catches him looking at her. After giving him and Wheeler a beating, Wheeler shoots off at the mouth about DG and the pair are bundled into the Jock's car and are forced to show him and his jock friend their secret. Head Jock, Johnny and his equally dumb friend are not long for this world, when Johnny, goaded into action by an angry Ricky takes his chances at the mouth of DG. Needless to say he's only half a man afterwards, and things take a turn for the worse for him when an impromptu visit to the WC sees him leaving behind quite a mess, and a fair bit of his intestines. Lovely.

JT, who has by now lost his pathetic little mind to his lustful actions, along with Wheeler decide to 'enlist' another girl to take to the basement. After a run-in with a very hard woman at a gas station they end up kidnapping Joann (Johnny's girlfriend and Rickie's love interest). Things take several interesting turns and twists to the climatic end. Gore isn't overused in this film, and as much as things are suggested, there are plenty of jumpy moments and some great special effects as far as wounds are concerned. I was really looking forward to this film, and it didn't disappoint, the acting was well pulled off and it takes the viewer into a very dark and tense place. DG, who is played by Jenny Spain is actually a deep character who knows more than she lets on, and is quite happy to get revenge on all those who happily used her.

Overall I'd recommend this film to anyone who enjoys a bit of gore and the whole women-kicking-ass genre, even if she is undead! A very tense 8/10.

Until next time, film fans.

Riding in cars with boys...

Title: Riding in cars with boys

Date of release: 2001

Synopsis: Drew Barrymore stars as Bev, it's 1965 and following a humiliating house party Bev finds herself knocked up by the local high school drop-out. One shotgun wedding later Bev and Ray shack up in a run down house and try to bring their son, Jason up as best they can.

Aspiring writer Bev (Barrymore) is identical to Drew's 'Josie Geller' from the movie Never Been Kissed that was released two years before RICWB. She's awkward, poetic and wears her heart on her sleeve, following a public humiliation she runs, and locks herself into the bathroom where she meets the enigmatic, yet dumb Ray Hasek. A lovable rogue, he avenges Bev's humiliation by goading the jock into punching him, whereby he ducks his head and no doubt breaks the boy's fingers. Driving away in a fit of giggles, with her best friend Fay Forrester (Brittany Murphy) and her boyfriend Bev finds herself drunk and one thing leads to another, only to be broken up by her own father, a local police officer.

The very start shows us a special bond between father and daughter that is sadly shattered when Bev breaks the news of her pregnancy. It's 1965, unwed mothers are considered shameful and Bev is forced into marriage with Ray. When Jason is born, months later Bev fails to bond with him as she was expecting a girl. The lack of maternal love is a running theme, and the family struggle to keep their heads above water, all the time Bev dreams of college, and of one day writing for a newspaper. A dream that is snatched from her time and time again by her forgetful, and junkie husband.

This heartfelt film culminates when Ray admits to Bev he's addicted to heroin, and after failing to beat his addiction he is forced to leave her and Jason behind. Jason is played by various actors as he gets older, and each actor brings the child to life as the intelligent and highly self sufficient child he has been forced to become. Throughout the film, it is the grown up Jason telling the story, as they are on their way to the trailer that Ray now lives in with his second wife, Sheila (Rose Perez) to ask his permission to publish her memoirs. Sheila refuses to let Ray sign, demanding money from the sales. But Ray has other plans, and sneaks the signed papers to his son in a touching scene.

Jason finally plucks up the courage to leave his mother, and with her blessing leaves for college with his childhood sweetheart, Amelia who is also Fay's daughter (her and Bev were pregnant at the same time). Bev, alone at a gas station in the middle of nowhere, calls her father and they reconnect on the journey home. It is a fantastic film, that depicts the time span well, accurately following the fashions and decors of the passing years. It is teary and joyful and a great film for when you don't want anything heavy or gory. At two hours I'd say it was a little long, but non the less I'd recommend you give it a watch. A fair 7/10.

Until next time, film fans.

Beauty is only skin deep!

The classic Beauty and the Beast is brought crashing into the 21st century in this modern remake. Starring the relatively unknown Alex Pettyfer (I Am Number Four) and Vanessa Hudgens. Who, in a desperate stuggle to shake off her good girl image stars as a nerdy damsel-in-distress who is taken into arrogant idiot-turned-hideous beast Alex/Hunter's care when her addict father has a run in with some dealers. Following a party, Kendra (Olsen Twin turned scary uber goth) wreaks havok, turning Alex into Hunter, a tattoo'd, scarred and metal faced beast. Personally, I've seen worse at the local metal nights! Taken into consideration that all it takes to scare a school full of American teens is a row of teeth one shade duller than brilliant white, and an extra pound of weight and well Hunter must be the epitome of ugly.

The spitting image of Jasper from Twilight, Alex is punished for being arrogant and obsessed with looks, this isn't the only likeness this has to Twilight; it practically drips with teen angst and hormones gone haywire! Hudgens plays her part well, considering it's mostly an empty shell with the odd 'I can take care of myself!' tantrum just to dupe you into thinking she's actually real. It doesn't help that she has a really annoying and whiny voice and at times I actually struggled to understand what she was saying. Luckily, between her epic moments of txt spk on some kind of Facebook rip off and unconvincing desire to leave Hunter's trap (I mean 'care') there is quite a good soundtrack to the film.

We're introduced to the long suffering housekeeper Zola (Lisa Gay Hamilton) who is missing her family back over in Jamaica, she puts up with Alex's jibes and digs with an air of nonchalance and a fantastic accent. Once Alex becomes Hunter his clearly horrified father bungs him in a typical 'apartment' (aka a mansion in a big city) with a, get this, blind tutor. How's that for fatherly love?! Rob the blind tutor (Neil Patrick Harris) is easily the best, and most talented actor in this film, his quick quips and comebacks are profound and funny.

It's about here the film cuts to a scene where Rob and Hunter smack golf balls off the roof while yelling 'wassup' random and annoying, and ultimately pointless. Later, predictably just as Hunter is getting Lindy (Hudgens) to fall for him he's relegated to the 'friend zone' after she has to go visit her father in hospital following an OD. Needless to say, Hunter is a little gutted, he lets his rose garden die, and ignores all her calls. Rob makes up for the 'wassup' scene when he tells Hunter to return Lindy's call "hurt is girl talk for 'call now you bonehead!'".

So Hunter realises he's been a dick all along and rushes to catch Lindy before she leaves for Machu Picchu. Does he catch her? Of course! And following a mushy 'beauty is only skin deep' and 'I'm pretending I don't want to hurl' scene (surrounded by 100 American students and an intern holding up a card that says 'act surprise' every time Hunter does anything); they kiss. All together now: awwww! And suddenly he's Alex again, and kindly Kendra even cures Rob's blindness and Zola get's her kids permanent green cards through. How nice! Although I can't understand why Lindy just accepted the fact that Hunter disappeared and his phone ended up in Alex's pocket. So, my verdict? I think this film does exactly what it says on the tin. It's not called Beastly for no reason. It's an hour and a half of my life I won't get back. Give me Disney any day!

Late night, double feature, picture show!

Today's review features a double bill! A match to the death between the 1978 cult classic I Spit on your Grave (aka The Day of the Woman) and the 2010 remake. The original was banned by the censors for being too brutal and graphic but has since been revived and elevated to cult status. These days remakes are rife, and oh-so-easy to mess up. Who will come out on tops? Will the remake outshine the original? Or will the 1978 classic come up trumps?

Title(s): I Spit on your Grave (aka Day of the Woman) / I spit on your grave

Dates of release : 1978 and 2010 respectively

Genre: Gore/horror

Synopsis: Jennifer Hills is a writer on her way from the big city to a quiet cabin in the woods to work on her writing. Along the way she meets four rednecks who she makes the mistake of shunning. They come back to extract their brutal revenge, leaving her for dead. But Jennifer Hills is not dead, and all she has on her mind is revenge. The 2010 remake sticks fairly rigidly to the same plot line which lends itself successfully.

The first thing you'll notice about the 1978 version it its total lack of backing music. There is also very little use of sound effects at all. In Hitchcock-esque style, the tension builds using silence and the occasional haunting music of the mouth organ (something that is reflected in the new version, offering just as much eeriness and a sign of what's to come), and the red necks jeering and yelling as they hunt their victim. This isn't the case in the 2010 version where tension building music is introduced to us from the beginning as well as a couple of early jumpy bits.

For me the 1978 version is far less annoying in that our protagonist doesn't make all the mistakes of the annoying American in the remake. Hanging up her phone to investigate a strange noise, alone in the dark is the first sign that she is going to make several stupid, and stereotypical moves that will land her in trouble. Shortly followed by her, yep you guessed it; dropping the phone down the toilet. Oh these new fanged technological thingies, they're supposed to be there to save your lives you know!

The 1978 version sees a slightly older woman playing Jennifer, which makes her more believeable than her 2010 counterpart who barely looks a day over 20. Also the male actors in both films are almost identical, a ring leader, 2 lackeys and one with mental issues. I'm not sure why they choose to add in the unfortunate character, as in both versions they end up goading him into raping Jennifer, which is disturbing to say the least. The main difference being that in the 2010 version, one of the lackeys likes to videotape everything, somewhat reminiscent of Ricky Fitts. But fatter and with one of those faces you will swear you've seen before in something else.

While both films centre around Jennifer's revenge, I find that the modern version is by far the goriest and she extracts her revenge with a cold, callous and carefully calculated method (wow that alliteration left me gasping for air - just as you might be if you're one of Jennifer's victims in the remake!) And while the original Jennifer opts for more swift forms of execution, the new and improved Jenny enjoys nothing more than intricate torture. Leaving the ringleader for last she takes a pair of shears to a place no man will enjoy! Still not to be out-done 1978 Jenny opts for a single thrust with a long blade after she tempted her ringleader into a hot soapy bath. Really guys? You'll happily brutalize a woman, beat her and leave her for dead but at the offer of a bath with her you'll merrily pretend nothing happened? Ah well pleasures of the flesh and all that.

The tagline on the DVD reads: 'this woman just chopped, crippled, and mutilated four men beyond recognition...but no jury in America would ever convict her!' Well I severely doubt that but I sure as heck wouldn't wanna mess with her! And as for the winner, who can call it? I call it a draw. I'd give them both a strong 8/10 plenty of suspense, gore and what better than seeing a strong woman come back from the brink and kick ass so spectacularly. A must see for any gore fan!

Until next time, film fans.

p.s. Bonus points to the person who can tell me the influence for the title of this review!

Love thy Neighbour....

Welcome to my film review blog. Before I get this wonderful review under way, a little background. I'm addicted to film, I spend hours engrossed in this form of escapism, at the cinema, on my laptop and even on archaic TV. I will watch (almost) anything. I'm not pretending to be this uber amazing film buff, but I do love watching them, and I do love giving my opinion, so what better way to spend a boring afternoon than finding one to watch and then bashing or bigging it up.

So, with that in mind, let me introduce you to my first review.

Title: Neighbour
Date of Release : 2010
Genre : Horror

Synopsis : A mysterious woman turns up in your average American suburban town and wreaks havoc on nice guy Don Carpenter and his unsuspecting band member-friends and girlfriend. Will Don survive? And if so, how much of him will be left?

This film is fairly slow to start, and even more difficult to follow! The storyline itself is simple enough, crazy girl is eating cereal in the kitchen. The camera man follows her ass upstairs and we are shown two people duct taped to office chairs (everyone in this town must shop at one office supplies store as EVERYONE has the same office chairs in this film!). Needless to say, one of them is already dead, and after having a tap fitting rammed into his heart cavity, the poor bloke opposite shortly joins his pal in blissful death. Cue the opening credits credits.

Don Carpenter, unassuming and personality-less musician-about-town is our 'hero' although frankly, I imagine a common house-brick would have more personality than this 'actor'. He enjoys juice, beer, music and staring at women in bars. This is where we first see 'the girl' (this is how she's credited in the titles and so we never learn her real name - how original!!) she's pretty, slim and utterly insane. Now this is where Neighbour differs from most other female-torturess films, there is NO REASON for her desire to torture and kill people. She does it for the sheer fun of it, and I spent the entire film hoping someone would come and wipe the pretty smile off her over-acting face. Luckily for me, one of Don's friends Sam obliges with a bottle of acid (cue terrible 'pain' noises). Sadly this only turns out to be part of Don's hallucinations/agony induced passed out dreams (I've not figured this out, as I mentioned slightly confusing plot line).

Gore fans will be happy at the amount of fake blood and gory prosthetics used in the film, and kudos to the producers for not using crappy CGI, but I feel them to be a little fake looking. One scene shows our crazy killer pinning open Don's eyes, yet you can clearly see his lashes and a couple of sneaky blinks after her handy work. In another scene, our CK takes an everyday saw and saws open Don's girlfriends's mouth; Ichi the Killer style and yet in the very next shot we can clearly see the corners of her lips amidst the gore.

Between Don's underacting skills and 'the girls' penchant for rolling her eyes/head and obvious ADD issues (she couldn't even manage to feed her neighbour's cat without getting distracted). I'd say the casting person needs firing. Still you can't fault 'the girl's' ingenuity, she can sew her own clothes. make food (which she always wastes - no wonder she's so skinny) and has an amazing talent of finding people's fake knee caps; with a pizza cutter. Overall I'd give this film a 5/10, great if you like gory needless killing and if you're gullible enough to drink toxic-looking blue drinks from strangers then you'll love it.

Until next time, film fans.

Gemma Jones, photographer and movie addict.