We call it "eggie in a basket".

Title: V for Vendetta
Year: 2006
Synopsis: It's the future, and Britain is now ruled by a dictator. In this totalitarian state, who will stand up against the injustice and brutality that roams the streets? Curfews, murder, illegal human testing and bending the news is on the agenda of the high chancellor Adam Sutler, but who's side are you on? A vigilante known only as the letter V stands up to fight with Evey as his unlikely ally using terrorist tactics and the collective mind of the public to remind us what freedom is.

It has been a good few years since I saw this film, and I recall being quite tired the last time. This doesn't bode well for V since you have to pay close attention to follow the story line.

It is past curfew, and Evey (Natalie Portman) is out after hours. In the dark she accidentally bumps into a few thugs employed to keep the streets clear of civilians after curfew. Convinced she is to fall victim to their crude intentions Evey closes her eyes and waits for her attacker to land the first blow...it never comes.

Evey is rescued by the enigmatic, well read and burnt to a crisp V. His introduction in the film is probably enough to put the majority of viewers off, but heck what an alliteration! I didn't know so many words began with the letter V. The film is full of lots of symbolism that is fun to look out for after the first viewing (you're concentrating too hard on following the storyline to be looking out for anything). V leads Evey to a nearby building where he conducts his latest 'concert'. Blowing up a well known Landmark puts Even right in the eye of danger and V takes it upon himself to protect her after he takes over the TV station where she works. Broadcasting to the entire nation, V plants the seeds of rebellion into a public force-fed on government propaganda.

As Evey slowly uncovers the truth about V's history she also learns the truth about her own past. Believing all along that her mother had starved to death during a hunger strike and her father and fallen during the war, it becomes clear to Evey that the government was to blame. Even so, she's still afraid and after witnessing her protector committing acts of murder she runs to her friend Deitrich's house (Stephen Fry). It turns out, like V that he too enjoys collecting memorabilia from before.

Getting Deitrich and Evey arrested was all part of V's grand plan but due to a copy of the Qu'ran Evey gets to relive her past as she watches the secret police bursting in and beating Deitrich to a pulp. During her escape attempt, she too is grabbed and thrown into a cell, questioned daily about V and his whereabouts.

After what must feel like a lifetime for Evey, she finds a letter that gives her inspiration to stop living in fear. And it is here that we find out her captor was V all along! Needless to say she is not very happy and after a long fight promises to see V one last time before his final act of defiance. She keeps her promise and returns on the night, entering the underground station that is just a small part of V's vast empire of found items and recovered items from the ministry. The train is packed with explosives and is waiting on a track that will take it straight to the houses of Parliament.

Will it get there? Will the masses, now subjected to V's cause stand up against the regime they've been subjected to? What will happen to V, and Evey?

Yes I know I ordinarily give a full review but V for Vendetta is actually one of my all time favourites and I urge anyone who hasn't already seen it to watch it for themselves. Tease? Yes, but it will be worth it I promise!

A heart-jerking, symbolism-packed, gritty action film that truly sticks it to the man! 10/10!

Until next time, film fans.

"They're here......."

Title: Poltergeist
Date: 1982
Synopsis: A young family move into a newly built house and are visited by what seem to be playful and non-malevolent spirits. Soon the spirits reveal their true nature by snatching the family's youngest daughter. Hell literally breaks loose and the family find themselves in the centre of a supernatural nightmare.

Before I even start to review this film, I feel it's important to explain a couple of things, that is after I found the courage to come down from the curtain rail!

Horrors, in my opinion consist of two genres; the first being 'ghostly' horrors, The Ring, The Grudge, The Exorcist are a few examples. I.E. anything that contains ghosts, demons, hauntings or supernatural horror. Then there is the 'gore' genre, examples include Hostel, Saw (anything after Saw I doesn't count) and the previously reviewed I spit on your grave. Now there are a few shades of grey of course, films that cross the two genres but generally it's either one or the other. You can put me in front of a film that has enough fake blood and gore to fill a tanker, and make even those with the most iron-clad stomachs turn green and I'll barely bat an eyelid save for the odd 'eww'. However, put me in front of a 'ghostly' film and I'll be climbing the curtains in fear! I think it stems from watching The Exorcist (something I'm in no rush to ever repeat) at a fairly impressionable age, and a rather hairy experience in the haunted mansion at Euro Disney at an even more impressionable age. It doesn't make for a very brave Gemma that's for sure!

Anyway, I'm slowly trying to wean myself onto this genre a little more as I don't want to miss out on some great scares, or great film work. So on the reliable recommendation of Chris we chose to watch Poltergeist. We're introduced to the young Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke) who begins speaking to something inside the white noise on the TV. After the film of the same name back in 2005 I've been a little wary of hearing it or seeing it so that set my nerves on edge from the start. Following the first of a spate of storms, whatever was inside the TV comes out, and Carol Anne turns to her parents who are laying in bed and says, 'they're here.....' and I'm sure it's at that point that several people must have lost not only their popcorn in the cinema!

At first the spirits seem playful and the family are happy to play along, that is until the family decide to start digging the garden to put down the American-staple swimming pool. It later turns out, unbeknownst to the family, that the house was built on top of a burial ground (yep, that old gem.). I guess spirits don't like this, and happily retaliate by stealing the youngest daughter, inside her closet, communicating via the white noise to her terrified mother. So when you're told not to sit too close to the TV, you now know why!

Determined to get their daughter back, they first enlist the help of a paranormal investigation team who set up a vigil while the scared family attempt to sleep. It's around this time that one of the guys on the investigation wanders into the kitchen looking for food (apparently it's ok to raid the fridge of these tormented people for steak in the middle of the night - it must be an American thing). One of the cardinal rules in any 'ghosty' horror should be 'if there are ghosts around, don't, for God's sake DON'T look in ANY mirrors! Anyway, he does, and his face just starts peeling away, blood, gore, bone, all in the pretty white china sink, it's pretty grim.

Reaching desperation, the family bring in Yoda, err, I mean Tangina (Zelda Rubinstein) whether it was just a coincidence I don't know, but her voice is exactly that of a child's and in this she's slightly insane, more than a bit creepy, but overall she's the don of psychics. Explaining that Carol Anne is attracting spirits to her with her life force and that she must lead them into 'the light' Tangina continues to explain there is one spirit with her, referring to it as 'the beast'. I'm not sure if this means what it says, but the beast is holding Carol Anne captive by appearing to her as a child, therefore tricking her into staying on the spirit side along with all the trapped souls.

Carol Anne's mother travels through the closet after her daughter, and after falling through the other side covered in what genuinely looks like strawberry jam, she's thrown in a bath and is once more clutching the tiny Carol Anne. I was sure that it was the happy ending I was so desperately craving by this stage. Unfortunately, when the sound stop you just know something bad is happening. Her ordeal has caused Carol Anne's mother to turn partially grey, and so while she's dying her hair in another room havoc breaks loose once more in the kid's bedroom. The unthinkable happens, and Oliver's clown comes to life. Having watched it stay stationary right up to this point, I knew my luck wouldn't hold out, and honestly, after reading Stephen King's 'It' I really don't like them. Really, really.

After a struggle, their mother tries in vain to open the door into the children's room, and runs outside into the storm (which has been raging for days) slipping, somewhat predictably, into the hole dug for the pool. It's here we see all the coffins floating to the surface of the pool. Scared out of her wits (and after falling back in at least twice) she makes it to the kids and pulls them to safety. Just in time for her husband to return home and a coffin to pop up right outside the front door. Like the all American hero, he (after a LOT of fumbling) gets them into the car and off to the welcoming neon lights of the local holiday in. Weary and emotional the family slam the door shut on their ordeal, their old house having now been sucked into a black hole, leaving all graves and bones exposed.

The credits roll, I exhale. The door to the hotel opens, my chest tightens. The father pushes the TV out onto the balcony. LOL.

I was expecting some white noise here, that mercifully didn't come. I think my heartbeat has just now returned to normal and I'm a little more confident I'll sleep tonight. Well overall, it wasn't as scary as The Exorcist, but considering how old the film is it still made me jump on a couple of occasions. 8 screams out of 10.

Do you have anything to declare?

Title: Territories
Date: 2010
Synopsis: On their way home from a wedding, five young people are stopped by two border control officers. At first things seem fairly normal, passport checks etc. Soon enough things take a twist and the five people become victims to these sick, and twisted cops. Welcome to America!

Wow, I didn't think much of the first forty minutes of this film. But it quickly spiralled into a masterpiece. Screen at the Brussels International Fantastic Film Festival, it's sure to have you clinging to the very edge of your seat in anticipation. However, it's slow-building, and like a decent roast you have to give it time.

The five friends consist of Jalil, who is suspected of being a terrorist, Michelle (his girlfriend and a criminal lawyer), Leslie, Gab and sixteen year old asthmatic and mute Tom. Once 'arrested' they're forced to strip and dress in green jump suits before being lead deep into the forest to a special 'prisoner camp'. It is here that the group realise that what is happening is bigger than just border control and much more serious.

We're never told as the audience if these are the first victims of the cops. One is terminally ill, and the evident brains of the operation, the other is the slightly dumb wingman. But keen to stay clear of making this duo the usual, predictable gruesome twosome, it transpires that in the early 90's the dumb sidekick saved the life of the other, and now takes care of him and his illness. Making their friendship solid, to the point where they each depend on one another.

The group are subjected to torture techniques that include being branded, being left in a cage without food or water for three days, being stripped and left in a padded room with blaring music and two stobe lights and being made to jog on the spot and keep painful positions for hours all under the relentless eye of the cops.

Interrogation has played its part in many films, but none quite so uncomfortable as in Territories. The smarter of the two cops enjoys nothing more than playing a game of cat and mouse and having complete control of his detainees, he breaks them down piece by piece, even going to far as to turn the group on each other. There seems little hope for escape, and after Tom's failed escape he is left with a gaping wound where he was taken down by the cops dogs, leaves the rest of the group reluctant to attempt it.

Their last hope comes in the form of a private investigator. It's the introduction of this man, and his story in the last quarter of the film that was the only thing I can fault. It seemed a little rushed considering his story is quite complex, and at such a late stage I didn't feel it was adequately told. Just at the point where he stumbles across the container where the group are being kept, there's a glimmer of hope. Sadly it is dashed and the PI meets his sticky, handcuffed inside his car, and pushed into a lake while he listens to his dead daughter singing on his handheld recorder.

The ending is grim, reminiscent of Jeepers Creepers, a film that despite not being all that scary had an end that just burned itself into your retinas forever. Territories isn't exactly what you'd call scary, but it is a great film. Extremely well made and despite the wobbly camera work a-la-Blair Witch it has everything you could hope for in a film of its genre. Realistic looking wounds, solid acting all around and that dull colour that can only spell doom. 9/10.

Until next time, film fans. Don't forget your passport....

Official: Recession brings out the worst in people!

Title: Dream Home (Wai Dor Lei Ah Vut Ho - Original Title)

Date: 2010

Synopsis: Sheung is a young woman living in Honk Kong, having grown up with a view of the sea, that was taken from her she resorts to all kinds of evil deeds in order to own her dream home.

Dream home is tense from the first moment, the opening scenes of a lobby makes you think that a corpse is going to come staggering from one of the doors. Well, no corpse but a slow, and painful death for a security guard who's napping on the job. With a penchant for using cable grips, the poor guard tries to free himself with a craft knife. It doesn't work, and he consequently ends up cutting into his neck, bleeding all over the place. I'm not really squeamish but watching that knife saw into his skin was hard to watch. That's another good thing about this film, the gore; it looks extremely realistic, even down to the intestines one poor guy loses after Sheung is done with him.

The time line of this film is all over the place flicking between the 'now' and the 'past' in order to show Sheung's upbringing and her later descent into a desperate attempt to afford her lavish marine-view flat. Interspersed into the story are news clips regarding the forthcoming recession, apparently the film is based on real events which when coupled with the reality of recession makes for a very creepy film indeed. It's an interesting insight into the crazy world of the Hong Kong property market at such a volatile time.

The film's gore is presented by the bucket-load, it gets almost invasive with lots of close ups and very questionable content. The deaths are often prolonged and Sheung almost dies several times herself, this film quickly becomes an on-the-edge-of-your-seat roller coaster ride. I was convinced Sheung would succumb when two police officers came knocking at the door of one of her victims (I say one, there were in fact 5 people in there). Just as you think it's all over for her, one of her naked female victims pops into view behind Sheung; a chunk of slat from the bed rammed into her mouth and clutching the knife that had until recently been through Sheung's Achilles heel. Ouch. A struggle between the four of them sees the girl trip in the blood all over the floor, the slat piercing her skull. One policeman gets shot, and the other takes a sizeable slash to the neck.

It's obvious Sheung has several screws missing, she even lets her father die one night. He's diagnosed with some respiratory disease, but he failed to tell Sheung when she was filling in forms for medical insurance. After finding out she'd been paying for invalid insurance, she simply lets him die while he wheezes away on his bed. She seems to have no remorse for her actions, even when she suffocates a pregnant woman, who's trauma forces her into labour, icky :|

Still, I can't fault this film, it was tense, invasive and well and truly got under my skin. The shots flow well, and there's plenty of variety there. Despite the subtitles the story was straight forward enough. Also I enjoyed reading the credits as there were a few great Engrish blips. A definite watch I'd recommend to any horror/gore fans. 9/10.

Until next time, film fans. My skin is crawling from this film, I'm off to get a shower *shudder*.

Dead girls don't say no....they just eat you alive instead!

Title: Deadgirl
Date of release: 2008
Synopsis: High school misfits JT and Rickie skip school one hot afternoon, heading to the local abandoned mental hospital they're chased into the basement by a dog. In the basement they uncover a gory secret, a girl, bound, naked and dead...right?

The cover and trailer boasted good things from this film. JT (Noah Segan) discovers the 'deadgirl' under a plastic sheet in the basement, and from that moment on you're on tenterhooks waiting for the screaming, snapping jaws. Well they don't come, or at least not to the point you expect. Rickie (Shiloh Fernandez) is not comfortable from the word go, and when he comes to try and break DG free, we're introduced to a different side to her. Don't be fooled however, for all intents and purposes DG is a zombie, just a slightly more evolved one.

Thinking he's onto a winner, JT lets Wheeler (Eric Podnar) in on the action, and things quickly spiral out of control. Rickie lands himself in trouble when the love of his life's jock boyfriend catches him looking at her. After giving him and Wheeler a beating, Wheeler shoots off at the mouth about DG and the pair are bundled into the Jock's car and are forced to show him and his jock friend their secret. Head Jock, Johnny and his equally dumb friend are not long for this world, when Johnny, goaded into action by an angry Ricky takes his chances at the mouth of DG. Needless to say he's only half a man afterwards, and things take a turn for the worse for him when an impromptu visit to the WC sees him leaving behind quite a mess, and a fair bit of his intestines. Lovely.

JT, who has by now lost his pathetic little mind to his lustful actions, along with Wheeler decide to 'enlist' another girl to take to the basement. After a run-in with a very hard woman at a gas station they end up kidnapping Joann (Johnny's girlfriend and Rickie's love interest). Things take several interesting turns and twists to the climatic end. Gore isn't overused in this film, and as much as things are suggested, there are plenty of jumpy moments and some great special effects as far as wounds are concerned. I was really looking forward to this film, and it didn't disappoint, the acting was well pulled off and it takes the viewer into a very dark and tense place. DG, who is played by Jenny Spain is actually a deep character who knows more than she lets on, and is quite happy to get revenge on all those who happily used her.

Overall I'd recommend this film to anyone who enjoys a bit of gore and the whole women-kicking-ass genre, even if she is undead! A very tense 8/10.

Until next time, film fans.

Riding in cars with boys...

Title: Riding in cars with boys

Date of release: 2001

Synopsis: Drew Barrymore stars as Bev, it's 1965 and following a humiliating house party Bev finds herself knocked up by the local high school drop-out. One shotgun wedding later Bev and Ray shack up in a run down house and try to bring their son, Jason up as best they can.

Aspiring writer Bev (Barrymore) is identical to Drew's 'Josie Geller' from the movie Never Been Kissed that was released two years before RICWB. She's awkward, poetic and wears her heart on her sleeve, following a public humiliation she runs, and locks herself into the bathroom where she meets the enigmatic, yet dumb Ray Hasek. A lovable rogue, he avenges Bev's humiliation by goading the jock into punching him, whereby he ducks his head and no doubt breaks the boy's fingers. Driving away in a fit of giggles, with her best friend Fay Forrester (Brittany Murphy) and her boyfriend Bev finds herself drunk and one thing leads to another, only to be broken up by her own father, a local police officer.

The very start shows us a special bond between father and daughter that is sadly shattered when Bev breaks the news of her pregnancy. It's 1965, unwed mothers are considered shameful and Bev is forced into marriage with Ray. When Jason is born, months later Bev fails to bond with him as she was expecting a girl. The lack of maternal love is a running theme, and the family struggle to keep their heads above water, all the time Bev dreams of college, and of one day writing for a newspaper. A dream that is snatched from her time and time again by her forgetful, and junkie husband.

This heartfelt film culminates when Ray admits to Bev he's addicted to heroin, and after failing to beat his addiction he is forced to leave her and Jason behind. Jason is played by various actors as he gets older, and each actor brings the child to life as the intelligent and highly self sufficient child he has been forced to become. Throughout the film, it is the grown up Jason telling the story, as they are on their way to the trailer that Ray now lives in with his second wife, Sheila (Rose Perez) to ask his permission to publish her memoirs. Sheila refuses to let Ray sign, demanding money from the sales. But Ray has other plans, and sneaks the signed papers to his son in a touching scene.

Jason finally plucks up the courage to leave his mother, and with her blessing leaves for college with his childhood sweetheart, Amelia who is also Fay's daughter (her and Bev were pregnant at the same time). Bev, alone at a gas station in the middle of nowhere, calls her father and they reconnect on the journey home. It is a fantastic film, that depicts the time span well, accurately following the fashions and decors of the passing years. It is teary and joyful and a great film for when you don't want anything heavy or gory. At two hours I'd say it was a little long, but non the less I'd recommend you give it a watch. A fair 7/10.

Until next time, film fans.

Beauty is only skin deep!

The classic Beauty and the Beast is brought crashing into the 21st century in this modern remake. Starring the relatively unknown Alex Pettyfer (I Am Number Four) and Vanessa Hudgens. Who, in a desperate stuggle to shake off her good girl image stars as a nerdy damsel-in-distress who is taken into arrogant idiot-turned-hideous beast Alex/Hunter's care when her addict father has a run in with some dealers. Following a party, Kendra (Olsen Twin turned scary uber goth) wreaks havok, turning Alex into Hunter, a tattoo'd, scarred and metal faced beast. Personally, I've seen worse at the local metal nights! Taken into consideration that all it takes to scare a school full of American teens is a row of teeth one shade duller than brilliant white, and an extra pound of weight and well Hunter must be the epitome of ugly.

The spitting image of Jasper from Twilight, Alex is punished for being arrogant and obsessed with looks, this isn't the only likeness this has to Twilight; it practically drips with teen angst and hormones gone haywire! Hudgens plays her part well, considering it's mostly an empty shell with the odd 'I can take care of myself!' tantrum just to dupe you into thinking she's actually real. It doesn't help that she has a really annoying and whiny voice and at times I actually struggled to understand what she was saying. Luckily, between her epic moments of txt spk on some kind of Facebook rip off and unconvincing desire to leave Hunter's trap (I mean 'care') there is quite a good soundtrack to the film.

We're introduced to the long suffering housekeeper Zola (Lisa Gay Hamilton) who is missing her family back over in Jamaica, she puts up with Alex's jibes and digs with an air of nonchalance and a fantastic accent. Once Alex becomes Hunter his clearly horrified father bungs him in a typical 'apartment' (aka a mansion in a big city) with a, get this, blind tutor. How's that for fatherly love?! Rob the blind tutor (Neil Patrick Harris) is easily the best, and most talented actor in this film, his quick quips and comebacks are profound and funny.

It's about here the film cuts to a scene where Rob and Hunter smack golf balls off the roof while yelling 'wassup' random and annoying, and ultimately pointless. Later, predictably just as Hunter is getting Lindy (Hudgens) to fall for him he's relegated to the 'friend zone' after she has to go visit her father in hospital following an OD. Needless to say, Hunter is a little gutted, he lets his rose garden die, and ignores all her calls. Rob makes up for the 'wassup' scene when he tells Hunter to return Lindy's call "hurt is girl talk for 'call now you bonehead!'".

So Hunter realises he's been a dick all along and rushes to catch Lindy before she leaves for Machu Picchu. Does he catch her? Of course! And following a mushy 'beauty is only skin deep' and 'I'm pretending I don't want to hurl' scene (surrounded by 100 American students and an intern holding up a card that says 'act surprise' every time Hunter does anything); they kiss. All together now: awwww! And suddenly he's Alex again, and kindly Kendra even cures Rob's blindness and Zola get's her kids permanent green cards through. How nice! Although I can't understand why Lindy just accepted the fact that Hunter disappeared and his phone ended up in Alex's pocket. So, my verdict? I think this film does exactly what it says on the tin. It's not called Beastly for no reason. It's an hour and a half of my life I won't get back. Give me Disney any day!